Dot Com

January 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm | Posted in dot com | Leave a comment
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Putting “.com” at the end of words on Facebook is so cool apparently.  But do people realise what they’re linking… Some are NSFW

^Insurance! Very handy! Are you being paid by confused.com?

^Fuck dying.com you need NHS Direct!

^Thanks for the tip.  I’ll make sure I go to bored.com every time I have to read your posts.  *clicks HIDE button*

^Awesome! The collective thought of 150 odd men… “Now i’m going to get ready, go out, find you & take full advantage”  Out of interest –> pissed.com

^ AS AM I NOW! THANKYOU!

^Now you can let tired.com know why you’re fucked.com

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Food

January 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm | Posted in Food | Leave a comment
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I like food.  Who doesn’t?  Some more than others…

Let me introduce you to someone (not the beast in the above pic) I shall call Edesia , who likes a nibble.

Aptly named after the Roman Goddess of Feasting.

There are some things you just cannot (never ever ever ever ever ever) post as a reply on Facebook.  On a daily basis I have to restrain myself from stating the obvious or casually throwing a cheeky insult that the recipient wouldn’t even get anyway because 90% of people on my friends list seem to lack the brain matter to distinguish between a full-on attack & a playful off the cuff comment.

Here’s what I should have said… “Sneaky what?  Sneaky steak pies?”

That sort of comment gets you a swift punch in the chops doesn’t it?  There’s more…

“Plain toast.  ONE slice.  No butter & with a glass of tepid water”

More…

The above was a true eye-opener for me and left me speechless and unable to think of a suitable quip.  I don’t think “Alone with a kebab at 6:35pm?  I thought kebabs were only supposed to be eaten after a night… ahh did you just get in from last night… didn’t pull… and tried until 6:35pm the next day… TROOPER!” would suffice.

Last one…

FUCKING LIAR!

In the begining…

January 3, 2011 at 3:07 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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… There where bits of paper passed between classmates with the oh so very heartbreaking “YOU ARE DUMPED” scrawled upon it, previously read by maybe around 5-6 people.

That was the early 90’s.

Move on the the late 90’s or early new millennium and we get an upgrade to gloriously brutal “U R DUMPT” SMS messages, which your ex can show to their friends and you can almost immediately delete and pretend you don’t care.

Now we come to present day social communication standard number 1…

FACEBOOK

There is nothing quite like it & it gives me a sadistic pleasure to view all my friends going in and out of relationships in a brilliant globally exposed nature. It’s hilarious!

Moaning. Oh the moaning! Constant whining about utterly pointless subjects …

“The dude in Subway has the cheek to check my £20 note to see if it’s real”

(maybe you don’t fit the look of someone who could have a twenty)

“My children’s dad won’t have them on Friday night and now I can’t go to a nightclub”

(resent kids coz they stop me being a whore)

“I can’t fit into my favourite dress, diet starts on Monday”

(maybe cut down on said subways)

Etc

I feel the need to share and vent my frustrations and opinions to them but I’m not a massive dick. Well I am a bit of a dick but I’m not rude.

There’s a fuck-load more & with a few slight legal-arse-covering edits (strictly no names mentioned) I’m gonna stick them on the blog to share with the world.

Or maybe just myself. Even if nobody reads this it’ll give me something to cheer myself up with when I feel like shit.

So yeah, my friends have certain traits, common themes and talk absolute bollocks on a daily basis so enjoy!

Facebookisms… out.

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